Toot your horn

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What I like about myself is that I’m not particularly judgemental toward people’s actions and pasts. What matters to me more are their current motivations and how they intend to move forward from their past.

Being able to hear and understand another without judging is not a native quality of mine – when I was younger, and especially as a teenager, I judged everyone endlessly, especially myself. I still am too judgmental toward myself. I found that working through my fifth step (creating an account of my behaviors in addiction, and sharing it with others) really helped me begin to understand myself, and trust myself and other people again.

I’m still stuck in my sixth step, which is taking an inventory of your positive and negative qualities, and I think I live my day to day life in the spirit of doing the sixth step. What I mean is that I spend a lot of time observing my motivations, the actions they result in, and the end result of both. Self-awareness has definitely been an increasingly important tool in recovering from addiction for me – it’s very hard to develop at first, but it makes life and decision making much easier.

I think the tendency to be heavily judgmental toward myself helps me with other people  – I can identify with feeling horrible over some action and can help guide someone out of it to some extent; a significant part of my life’s work has been leading myself out of feelings of guilt and worthlessness

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