No, no, no, I’m not trying to start an argument about religious beliefs here, what I mean is your perception controls your reality. I had to give up on having an opinion on the afterlife and the presence/absence of God, because it confounds me to an unhealthy degree. My motto in life now is to try to not harm yourself or others and apologize for the harm that you do.
Your reality is a combination of your actions, and beliefs, which are controlled by your perceptions.
What controls your perceptions?
Your perceptions are a combination of things including what you learned as a child, the “raw material” of what happens to you, and to a surprising degree, your peer group.
It’s this weird circle that is almost impossible to break out of until you become deeply aware of it. I mean, there’s reading it, and hearing it, and even thinking it to some extent, but until this sinks down into your soul, you’re trapped in the matrix, lol.
My psychology class is awesome, and that might be why I’m so self-reflective, lately. We’re learning about different forms of conditioning-like, Pavlov’s drooling dogs, for example. The assignment for this week was picking a bad habit and trying to condition yourself out of it. I’ve been reading a lot of self-improvement books lately, so it synergized with what I’m doing and my paper ended up being three single-spaced pages long, lol, it was a minor assignment.
I guess revisiting people from different eras of my life really helped me realize it…I hate talking about this kind of thing, but I feel like we all emit our own kind of energy…I’m only starting to look into this kind of thing, and it’s weirding me out, lol. In the past, a couple people have told me that I’m an empath, but that’s too special snowflakey for me?
Like what, I gotta be left-handed, queen of addictions, bi, with ideals that run toward the anarchist/make-your-own-rules-as-long-as-you-don’t-hurt-other-people vein, and now I have to be some kind of magical psychic unicorn? Good grief. Can I please just be a normal person for five minutes.
Man, I really need to revisit Willhelm Reich and Robert Anton Wilson…I used to love both, especially Wilson, but I was too wasted on chemicals to really pick up on anything. That, and I’m becoming increasingly aware of how terrible my memory is…ugh.
I don’t know, but back to the energy thing…The two guys I hung out with recently just blasted me with something I don’t even know how to describe. The closest comparison I can come up with is the energetic version of having acid thrown in your face…it was just so instant and weird and not related to anything any of us did. I wrote the first thing off as a combination of being nervous and trying some new weird drug, but I don’t know… As far as I can tell, it wasn’t related to my own emotions or feelings, either…
Honestly, I owe both of them a lot…they have both been there for me during emergencies and when no one, including myself, expected or wanted better from me, it’s completely fair that I’m alive due to a few interventions on both their parts…I was expecting hanging out with them to be awesome, and now I’m just confused about everything.
*feels like she might be losing her remaining grasp on reality*
*stealthily orders sage for occasions like this in the future*
Maybe I’m just more aware of the people around me now that I’m not all twacked out on drugs/alcohol, and everybody else is like this, it just doesn’t bother them because they’re used to it?
Unrelatedly, I’m getting annoyed with myself for being in such bad shape physically…it’s not even a vanity thing, it just feels wrong to me…although I’m super appreciative that I’m no longer in a wheelchair.
I’ve been doing minor exercise, but I am so limited by my leg. I had to hike around the hospital for a doctor’s appt the other day and now my leg muscles are super-exhausted and I’m walking like I was right after I got off crutches. I