“Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You” – Patricia Evans

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Recognize the reality of your own inner truth.


No one can know your inner reality, your intentions, your motives, what you think, believe, feel, like, dislike, what you know, how you do what you do, or who you are. If someone does pretend to know your inner reality: “You’re trying to start a fight,” they have it backwards. People can only know themselves. It doesn’t work the other way around.

I have a mixed opinion on this book. It’s helpful in understanding people that are controlling, and explains why and how they are that way – they are attempting to form a connection, but aren’t able to form a healthy connection. Heck, this book even helped me recognize that I have control issues to an extent myself.
However, the author seems to be against any remark that could be construed as an attempt to define or understand another person’s inner reality, which is going too far. We have blind spots into ourselves and our own reality that are clear to other people but not ourselves. But, I agree with the author on the premise that we cannot build our identity on external factors, such as the opinions and beliefs of others.

This is the only book I’ve read on the subject, so I’m not the best judge on recommending it or not. It could be better, but it motivated me to defend my own boundaries and not intrude into other’s boundaries so much.

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