People ask me to explain why I did this or that, and none of it makes sense anymore. Explaining my behavior in the past feels like attempting to describe a person’s motivations to, say, spend $20,000 making sculptures out of ham using only a chainsaw.
I don’t think I can go there, and I’m not motivated to, either.
The best explanation I can give is that I didn’t expect to live through my twenties, and I needed people to like me because I couldn’t love myself. I was miserable.
Is this an early midlife crisis?
The two major changes in my life in 2016 was working the first five steps and getting into recovery. Then I break my leg, kinda fade out of recovery and act stupid again. Oh well, I guess I know what to do…