I relapsed again last night until the early morning. It wasn’t serious, and there’s no real “fall-out” from it, just another bump in the road to sobriety. Part of me wants to beat myself up, but the other part realizes it was a small thing. I’m in a situation I’ve always found difficult to maintain sobriety in, and I’ve got boredom and emotions pouring out of me. This is one of my danger zones, lol. All that matters is how I respond to it, and I think my response so far has been appropriate.
It’s probably better that it happened quietly at home instead of with city folks – that would have been much more of a crisis. I did get some poetry out of it, lol. I gained willingness to do what I need to. I knew what I needed to do, but something got lost between knowledge and action again.
I’m glad that I’m finally willing to do what I need to instead of just knowing and goading myself about it, but I thought I was further ahead in my sobriety than getting intoxicated because I was sad and bored.
I told a couple friends – it was difficult admitting this happened at first – still is, but honesty is important. this is something that I can’t shove in a shoebox and forget about… I recently messaged my old sponsor asking if she could take me to NA…I hope she can fit it into her schedule.