Week One: Quotes, Using Dreams, Female Friends, Gardening

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Do not have evil-doers for friends, do not have low people for friends: have virtuous people for friends, have for friends the best of men.

-The Dhammapada

It is good to tame the mind, which is difficult to hold in and flighty, rushing wherever it listeth; a tamed mind brings happiness.

-The Dhammapada

 

A savage place! as holy and enchanted

As e’er beneath a waning moon was haunted

By woman wailing for her demon-lover!

“Kubla Khan”, Samuel Taylor Coleridge

HOLY BATMAN USING DREAMS: Dreamt last night that I was in jail and met another girl who banged ice (meth), she preferred h, but she had what I needed…fell in love with the little minx and was sneaking around using with her. We didn’t have rigs so we were using sewing needles and eyedroppers to iv…We’d poke holes in our skin near the vein and feed the liquid in with the eyedropper…

Also there was a ball pit. In jail….yes, like a little kid’s plastic ball pit that we’d hide in…I’ve never been to jail, but after hearing that the toilet and the sink are combined into the same thing, and there’s a book cart that comes around once a week, I doubt there’s much for amusement, much less a built in amusement park. :p

Also dreamt that people I used get high with (from all different circles/periods) broke into my childhood house and were all shacked up together and I was “working” again…

I’ve been focusing on lack a lot and negativity recently – and I feel like that helped create my relapse. I was focusing on lack of interaction, lack of spontaneity, lack of drugs – what I should be focusing on is the abundance of quality interaction I have, the abundance of comfort and stability I have, and how rich and rewarding sobriety can be…How warm, clean, and housed I am, for one, that seems to be something more compatible with sobriety than drug use, for me at least.

So…I got the balls up to message some of the women on my friends list that I don’t usually talk to on fb…because I am literally an idiot that is only comfortable talking to men to “shoot the shit” and discovered (gasp!) I CAN TALK TO GIRLS. AND THEY’RE ALL AMAZING. I thought I had my one female friend, and I was just damned to only getting along with men who use drugs and my sobriety was eternally damned because of this. *hyperventilates, cries*

OH NO. TURNS OUT I’M JUST A TOTAL IDIOT WHO STAYS IN HER LITTLE TOXIC COMFORT ZONE. I got a ton of encouragement and I’m just giddy. 😀 Instead of having conversations that involve me responding to something with a statement along the lines of “I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY IMPENDING SAINTHOOD, LALALA”…which was becoming a weird catch-phrase with me for a while.

I have a lot of things going for me right now, actually…school, money, friendship ❤

Heck, after I move, my best friend and I are GOING TO HAVE A GARDEN. IMAGINE. My hands in that thick, sweet soil nurturing that which will, in turn, nurture me. 😀 I have so much to be excited and appreciative about – a little abundance.

(I’m still going to do the daily prompts and creative writing when the mood takes me, but I’ll move the sobriety check-ins to a weekly basis now. You know, now that we have the security of my amazing week-long stretch of sobriety. :p)

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