God has taken so much weight off my shoulders and emotional garbage out of my life in the past ten days. I’ve done nothing but be honest and begin to realize that I can’t do everything. Honesty is a skill that’s saved me in the past, but surrendering has always been difficult. It just seems natural to me to pick up on people and issues that seem underserved, but the same God that’s shown me infinite mercy and granted me so many chances to get it right is also in charge of these people and things, and I should let him do his work without getting my butterfingers involved. 🙂 I feel like I’m trying to do nanosurgery with a chainsaw sometimes, so why not let the ultimate Master do his work in his own time?
Since my relapse I’ve become aware more of the subtle aspects of the world and recovery. I feel more peaceful and steady as a rule. I really needed to learn my limits and my place more than I did- there is no reason for me to pretend to be more powerful or competent than I am. I am just as I was made and it’s my journey to fix myself before I try to get involved with others. The deeper my realization of my limitedness, and the deeper my honesty, the greater the peace I feel.