Sobriety Week 3: Awareness and Balance

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…I am saying we can do ourselves and our society a great service—and be more effective and heard—by authentically, empathetically connecting with one another.

-Rachel Sklar, “10 Habits of Highly Successful Women”

Willhelm Reich used to talk about “body armor” – He theorized that where and how we hold our tension in our muscles shows what we’re avoiding feeling, and releasing the tension along with talk therapy helps a person move foreward. I tend to agree…Between releasing most of my muscular tension and the meditation event, I’ve become profoundly calm, but sad and prone to crying.

I’m practicing being aware, not judging, and letting the sadness run its course. Too frequently in my past I’ve blocked out emotions in a variety of ways, even while sober…having “subtle” emotions is a new experience. I do have a sense that everything will be alright, though, I just need to go through this.

This week has been a balancing act between nourishing others and self. I realize that I’m self-centered, but focusing on myself right now is better than a hamfisted mission to “fix” someone… So…I’m just quietly helping others in small ways, and practicing listening rather than “fixing” or “judging”, and spending most of my time on self-repair until I’m more capable.

A book on the sixth and seventh step showed up on Amazon. Made me laugh – that’s where I ended up
“taking a break”. Kinda grateful that all this happened. My faith in God is signficantly more solid rather than the nebulous thing it was before, and I “feel” my defects more in life. Lol, it’s like when a pimple is getting ready to pop…At first you don’t notice it, and then all of a sudden it’s driving you mad.

I feel like I’ll be able to work these steps “deeper” than I would have without the spontaneous broken leg and relapse. & even if I would have gotten to where I am without it – I can’t change the past, now can I?

5 thoughts on “Sobriety Week 3: Awareness and Balance

  1. The great realization for me was and is that I can’t help myself. Asking for and accepting help, sometimes in and as a result of just going out and doing the next right thing, There are and never have been mistakes only lessons

    Liked by 1 person

      • They are wonderful, lol, and I’m realizing my problem is in my head here. Older women in the program just look so respectable tho, and I’m just over here like “I used to live in a car with a dude and a husky, and worked as a “waste disposal engineer”.”

        Liked by 1 person

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