30 Days Sober

Comments 11 Standard

Being alive is such a blessing.

 

Spring is beautiful, new life is blossoming, and I’m learning a new way to live. Sobriety this time is much easier, because I decided to open myself to healthy people and take suggestions. My whole life has been pretty isolatory and self-willed – I was raised to think no one really cared and never fit in or expected to as a child/teen, so learning how to be open and trusting as an adult is difficult. Starting and keeping conversations going is difficult for me with new people, but it’ll come with time.

I opened up about my life story with my sponsor last night and I’ve been completely exhausted since. Slept well, woke up still being tired. I wasn’t that long-winded, and I jumped around a lot, but that’s the most I’ve ever sat down and verbally told someone at once, especially someone I don’t know well. Honestly, I am just worn out and feel physically exhausted. From talking. I don’t get it either.

I’m so closed off that my best friend, who’s known me for over 13 years, just found out that I was homeschooled as a child last November. I wouldn’t say I’m secretive necessarily, I was taught not to talk about myself, that no one was really interested and it’s better to listen to the other person. I have a lot to work on.

I don’t expect to always be this contented or happy, but living in this moment is beautiful. Every time I’ve let something go in the last year, God has given me something better. Reading more about Buddhism is teaching me not to cling to what I think I want, and that all things in this world pass. Having accepted that, it’s much easier to deal with change and loss.

I’m also grateful to be re-working the steps. I switched from N.A. to A.A., and I’m not sure if this is a program difference or a difference between my sponsors, but my original working of the steps was primarily me filling out the stepworking guide and reading my responses to my sponsor.

In A.A., or with my new sponsor, there’s more of a structure – reading assignments, and much more discussion of the program. I feel like I’m going to get more out of doing the steps this way.

11 thoughts on “30 Days Sober

  1. I’m glad you’re on the verge of getting the most out of a recovery program. It sounds like you have a great mindset to make that happen.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Congratulations on your 30 days! As others said, you seem to have the right midset to succeed, and have now found the right tools. Good luck, I hope it goes well!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Congratulations on how well you’ve done! Opening up can be so difficult to do when keeping things in is what you’re used to, well done for speaking up and letting people in. Only good things can come from sharing your experiences with other people and you will have so many people to support you to stay on the right path. I’m glad you’re finally seeing the world how it’s supposed to be seen, wishing you all the luck in the world

    Like

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