I’ve basically been interacting with people as much as my sponsor makes me (‘Call one person in recovery each day” was probably not meant to encourage me to only willingly engage with to one person each day, on second thought), but I’m enjoying staying at home, blasting music, reading, writing about everything and everything that crosses my mind, and chain-vaping in peace.
Spend a couple years alternating sleeping in cars with weird guys on too many drugs, sleeping in other people’s unstable living situations, outdoors, with the option of sleeping on a jail mat in a large room with sixtyish other people, mostly men with extensive police records*, then you’ll realize how sacred “alone and unbothered” is to me. Like, I don’t need to strategize my fart releases 24/7 anymore, among other joys.
- I’m appreciative for all these places, actually, but c’mon…sleeping in my own bed is nice. Also, at some point while staying at the shelter I decided to get pink hello kitty pjs vs. just sleeping in my clothes, and I’m going to wholesale blame that decision making on drugs, because wtf me. Man, if you’re intentionally trying to get hit on by guys with underage sex/rape charges, do that.
- Another secret from my shelter days: I slept with my shoes on because I have horrifically smelly feet when I wear shoes 24/7. (Yes, I realize I was stuck in a self-perpetuating stink cycle)–There was a time that in I came in after spending three days with a guy couch-surfing, took my shoes off, and a man began complaining of something that smelled of (damn, I’m going to screw up this quote) “a herd of yaks migrating across a plain”….shelter staff actually brought out a fan, used room spray, while I hid my feet under the blanket in shame. Eventually I came up with an elaborate and stealthy foot washing routine using the shelter’s supply of vaginal wash, because that was the one thing that helped. Yes, I was showering and washing my feet. No, that didn’t help. No, this hasn’t been a problem since. No, I’m not sure why I felt compelled to tell the internet this one either, but it does feel better now that it’s off my chest.
- PROTIP: If you have money and want to be helpful without taking out a second mortgage, donate socks and women’s toiletries to your local homeless shelter. For some reason, shelters give out free condoms, but don’t get funding for tampons/pads.
Okay, now that I’ve embarrassed the shit out of myself, does anyone remember last.fm? It was a program that tracked the music you listened to and made charts and reccommended other music to you. I found my old account and here’s a song I totally forgot about over the years: