Thoughts…

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1. Since taking DMT there is a lot of unpleasantness that I don’t remember. I guess a quick example would be the number of people I slept with when homelessness/addiction was a thing in my life, that stuff is just gone to me now.
2. Definitely disconnected from relationships that weren’t in my best interest…I don’t know why I wasted much time and energy on people that drained me and we’re too lost in themselves to find solid ground. I literally don’t understand it. It’s an “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” type thing.
It’s good to be free of guilt and shame that’s been weighing you down. Still have a long way to go with that, though.
3. I’m a lot more open now, at least with people I already know.
4. Strangers are telling me I’m walled off. Of course these strangers are random men who are trying to sleep with me, but it’s a little startling when someone that’s know you for five/ten minutes tells you that you were obviously hurt pretty bad and that you’ve given up on love.
5. I’m still afraid to stray too far from the apartment by myself. Melissa and I are getting a lot of bonding time in.
6. It’s so nice here…the people are kind and it’s just nice being in a city again. Sat outside smoking today, watched a guy drop a pack of cigarettes, then a (presumably) homeless man picked them up…Later he came back and accused us of stealing them (same brand), then we pointed out the guy who did and he gave them back without a fight.
7. Hopefully I’ll have an interview soon. Already looks like I have a prospective job across the street. The pay is pretty good, and I can stack cash for a while so I can go back to school and pay off debt.
8. My knee is still terrible. Take forever to get off the couch/floor, walk a little funny… I really need to appreciate how far I’ve come with this rather than how far I still have to go.
Wish my body was in a different place, though…I feel much closer to 70 than 30.
Guess that describes my place in life, really.
9. Started drinking a glass or two of wine on weekends with my friend. No trouble, no desire to be drunk. maybe even a level of aversion to feeling intoxicated.
10. Melissa says I’m a good person that’s been surrounded with shitty people. It’s nice to know someone has faith in me.

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