Minor updates

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I obtained a therapist, and it’s pretty early on but seems like a good fit so far. She actually has a degree in substance abuse prevention and has 16 or so years of experience. It’s actually through talkspace, which is an app, basically can text her every day and get a response on weekdays. She’s in Milwaukee as well, so it’s cool that it’s like…local, but less face to face, because I swear I always end up telling my therapists that I’m fine and managing things well, like, fuck, I can’t even not worry about upsetting a therapist.

I’ve been in counseling as an adult, but it’s usually short term and I’m in a crisis. Think the last round was when I was when I left my ex (and eventually went back, because I’m a slow learner) was generally functionally high during the appointments.

Ewww. Bad job, me.

Definitely think it was good timing…I think I knew enough to move and cut ties, keep my life straight, but after that point I have no clue what I want. Kind of need a safe space to explore that.

Also low-key freaked out that the men I get involved with all want to plan out my entire future for me. Afraid I might end up being a jet pilot with 7 kids or some shit if I keep being agreeable and direction less.

(Not that there’s anything wrong with being a jet pilot, of course, unless this isn’t the type of career you would ever consider on your own, are too frightened to drive a goddamn car, so being responsible for not killing a group of people way up in the day isn’t the type of thing you’d naturally pursue.)

Otherwise I’ve been trying the online dating thing, but that’s mostly a good way for my best friend and I to laugh our asses off than an effective way for me to find a boyfriend or even a man I’d like, be comfortable being alone with.

Sigh. I mean, it’s either that the men are terribly conversationally boring, want to get together right away, or I find them charming, which I’m starting to notice is a warning sign in itself that the man is deeply unhinged in some way.

It’s not like everyone is literally a trashfire, but I’m getting the impression that I might be one of the five women in my area on that site. Or maybe the one who doesn’t have kids and/or a bunch of issues. Well, damn, I obviously have issues, but…

Also I fucking hate filling out those profiles and taking pictures. Ugh.

Seriously. I don’t have a car, and I work in a low paying job, I’m heavier than I’m comfortable with, so why in the fuck did some guy refer to himself as my future husband after two neutral one sentence replies from me?

Oh, and the super open fetishists. That’s third date material, my dudes.

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