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So it’s been a couple days since I stumbled back into heroin.

I’m actually fine and craving free. Well, there’s definitely a level of provoked interest, but not like the type of shit I used to deal with.

Idk, I’m babysitting myself after this one.

So much of my past is just better left behind. Thought small chunks of it were salvageable, but every time I go back to it, it ends up not being worth it, or the “highs” aren’t well, as high as I remember.

Just turns into more shit to worry about and reconsider.

Pretty startled by the experience, have to say this is the first place I’ve lived that I can walk a block away of my apartment and get free heroin, though.

Dude is pretty much a kid, like 22-24, I’ve never seen someone literally drop so many twenties in my life, or just flash cash like that.

Pretty bizarre having someone busted ass old me and having a guy in a nice ass car, loaded with money pretty much ask for reassurance on everything for a few hours.

“This is a nice car, right?” “Does this look good?, and something or other about me getting off drugs and helping him in stack cash. Fucking enamoured child.

And then there’s fucking hasn’t done heroin in almost four years me like…I need to leave.

Dunno, could have been an act, probably was. Life is so weird here, or maybe I just found out that my preferred state of being is alone in peace and quiet.

Sex, dating, and relationships just seem so bizarre to me now, especially how quickly everyone seems to be comfortable with moving. I mean, even attempting relationships with normal people.

Fuck, I don’t know.

Like, why don’t people take the time to get to know each other anymore…

Love this city, but I’m going to have to switch up on my neighborhood eventually.

Yeah, so if you saw the earlier post, I’m alive! Sober! Somewhat chastened and alarmed I may have gotten into fentanyl. Probably good this was one of those “bit off more than I can chew experiences, and no serious developments have occurred so far.

Back to responsible adulting.

Otherwise I bought myself a Chromebook and got internet service, so I should be around and commenting more as of the fifth.

God, if this was 2014 I’d probably be in the guy’s apartment right now, high as fuck and trying armchair rehabilitative psychology on him.

Dude is a nice kid, despite the dealing and God knows what else he’s involved in, sorry he’s in this position, judging by the intoxication and the flashy shit he was doing isn’t going to end well for him, additionally it won’t for me either if this shit ever happens again. 

Sigh. This damn world, I tell you.

Otherwise… I have to read ten books by the end of the year to reach my 50 book goal for the year. Read “simple money”, which is the best book on finances I’ve read, well, I guess if you’re a person who sucks at this type of thing and gets overwhelmed easily. Definitely breaks it down and explores goals, ambitions, and psychological fuckups with money.

2 thoughts on “Phew.

  1. Those m*therf****ers don’t play by the rules, you got to keep well away! I was just thinking today about how warped some of the people I got to know were, there was a time I thought it was kind of intriguing but now at a safer distance I can see just how messed up that was!


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