naturally occuring dopamine.

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Ok, so I’m incredibly proud of myself right now.

Today wasn’t terrible, objectively, but involved a lot of mis-steps that are mostly due to me having poor management skills, etc., but ok:

 

Went to sleep late last night, because yolo. Got up at 7 on 3 hours of sleep. Went to plasma clinic, ended up waiting for an hour because their computer are down. Miss planned activities.

Completely wipe out on ice leaving clinic, after snow has been on the ground for less than 24 hours.

Return to apartment.

Leave for work, get to work, not expecting anything eventful. I literally sit in a box all day. NOTHING CAN GO WRONG.

Receive unanticipated voicemail from parents. Return call. Agree to have conversation with mother when home from work. This would be the first actual conversation I have had with her since, like, spring.

ANXIETY BEGINS. Sit in cube, handling calls and occasionally interact with others, pass for normal while heart is pounding in chest and can feel blood rushing in head. Use breathing and mindfulness, this eventually passes, last two hours of work are unremarkable.

Punch out of work, begin nervously checking placement of proximity card for work, wallet, make sure bus pass is in anticipated location. Randomly check for keys.
ITEM NOT FOUND.

For the first time in my adult life, I have lost my keys. Return to cube, check parking garage, acquiesce to the fact I may have to speak to someone about this. No one has reported keys to security and or supervisors at work. Miss bus in process.

FUCK.

Pray that landlord is awake, answering phone, and like, willing to be helpful at 145 at night.

Praise God, affirmative on all of this.

Eventually return to building, acquire new set of keys, and return to apartment.

DREAD PHONE CALL OCCURS.

Not the terror anticipated.

Call ends by midnight.

Realization that there are many points during this saga where I would have freaked out, left work, and fucked up my life worse.

Instead I am home and sober and listening to classical music.

DOPAMINE SURGE.

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