(a little over 30 days)
So my dumb-ass was trying to use a fucking psychedelic as anti-depressant. Yes. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the dxm trip, but I mostly….started using it on a regular basis because it made me feel better afterward. And then threw some other shit in there, ’cause that’s a super good idea.
Think I was doing it a couple times a week for a few weeks, feel like I don’t remember half the shit that went on, but I’m still employed and not in a crisis, which is definitely good…
I quit after the paranoia became worrying, and ended up being in somewhat of a self-aware psychosis for two weeks…thank God I have a sit-down and don’t talk to anyone job.
Like seriously. Full-on persecution complex, and as a fun addition to this bullshit, the elevators near the parking garage starting coming down empty at the end of my breaks/lunch, right about this time and clearly that was an attempt on my remaining sanity.*
*They still do this sometimes. Have seen this happen for other people.
As in you walk in from outside, get to about six feet from the elevator, and the damn thing is suddenly down there, doors open, and there’s no one in it.
Think we have a bored security guy or something. Haha, dude’s trying to brighten people’s days and I’m just like “SWEET JESUS, TAKE ME NOW.”
why do I do this shit to myself.
Then depression/anxiety for about two weeks, ended up calling in a couple times, and my brain is mostly at cruising speed insanity at the moment.
It was way less cute than this.
*sigh* really need to work out my feelings on recovery as a system more. Don’t disagree with it, but I keep….finding….situational….loopholes…