So I met a guy, super fucking sweet and smart, went on a couple dates. Guess what the problem was this time: He was literally my abusive ex’s spanish/mexican twin, super similiar personality to someone i had issues with…heavy tendency to fuck with people. He spilled a cup of coffee on himself, the kitchen in the restaurant was open and had napkins super close to the front, saw them, grabbed them and apparently under no circumstances are random people supposed to enter a kitchen and I’m an asshole now.
Like no, this guy made me food, slept in my bed, and was generally kind and sweet, maybe turned into a dick after a few hours of being around a completely monosyballic woman who seems to be afraid of everything, particularly him. So he turns into a dick, and I get so nervous that I can’t even say what bus I take to work.
I dunno. I mean, it was kind of weird in a way because he brought up race but in such an aggressive way that I had no clue how to respond…we were watching princess mononoke by princess mononoke by hiyao miyazaki and I was a little too busy having a panic attack about being alive to actually follow it, but there’s a scene where a girl is being carried across a river by dog…thing….and dude’s just like “GOOD JOB SPIRIT ANIMAL PROTECTING WHITE MASSA”
*He lived in the neighborhood that I live in, which is mostly black after the age of 14.
and I’m just looking at him like…I don’t know, i’m mostly from a white area and telling white people to calm their shit down, IF SOMEONE COULD TELL ME A LEGIT WAY TO RESPOND TO THAT STATEMENT PLEASE HELP ME LOL
THIS WAS A FUCKING TRAINNNNWRECKKKKKK
“Guys think you’re a smart cookie but keep you around because you’re a trophy, right?”
*sigh* Ok, I swear this comes from my inability to follow 15+ minutes stories with more than 5 people, think he caught on to this and told me a story that involved a man turning into a wolf and starting on fire, maybe someone put him out with pee? I’m just quietly sitting there like “one of us is tripping balls right now…”
actually going back into therapy after this, i know I have anxiety issues in general but the amount of times I thought I was going to fucking die for no reason kinda makes me think I have ptsd at this point.
So highlights reel from this adventure:
*Complete run-out-of-the-ice-cream-store panic attack. Think I have issues with being out at night and erratic driving? Also large groups of people? I’m a fucking disease? lol
* if you wanna annoy the shit out of a person that grew up in mexico and point out your excruciating whiteness, if applicable…order huevo rancheros at a restaurant. FUCKING DO IT.
*Still have the whole racing heart/anxiety thing when I’m alone with men.
As these things typically go, the sex was fantastic.