500 Followers

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Wow! Thank you for your interest, it’s amazing that this many people find my writing interesting. Blogging at WordPress has connected me to a lot of new people and interesting ideas, and it’s been good to meet you all. It’s been nearly year since I’ve started and it’s been an interesting ride.

As this blog gets close to its one year anniversary and becomes a little more established, I’ve decided to work more on the quality of my writing and raise my ambition level a bit, but I’m also getting a bit intimidated as well. I’m considering pursuing poetry and fiction more here, I feel like I’ve bled out as much as my history as I need to, at the moment.

Because of this,  I’ve been reading up on blogging techniques, everything from grammar to branding to monetizing. One of the consistent things I read about is the importance of picking a general theme, which is difficult for me. This blog is definitely more of a magpie’s nest of things that attracted my attention than something specific.

I enjoyed reading Jon Milligan’s “The 15 Success Traits of Pro Bloggers: A Proven Roadmap to Becoming a Full-Time Blogger“, but that’s meant for someone who’s blogging on a specific topic and wants to make money from blogging. There are definitely a lot of good tips on mindset, technique, and the importance of guest-blogging and building community ties. The latter is something I’m interested in improving, so if anyone is interested in guest-blogging here, or having me guest-blog for them, either comment or send me an e-mail at tundraghosts@gmail.com.

It also gave me the idea of maybe putting together an ebook of some of the poetry from this site, after I polish what I have and write some more. I realize there’s not much of a market for poetry, but getting together a little ebook of it together and charging a couple dollars for it can’t hurt and might lead to some good things, yeah?

Another book I’ve just started is “A Writer’s Badass Guide to Branding, Blogging, and Social Media. I’m not too far into it, but it has a lot of helpful tips on figuring out what you want to write about, what tone you want to use, and what you ultimately want to accomplish with blogging.

If anyone is looking for help with grammar, the classic book on writing by Strunk and White “The Elements of Style” is either free or $2.99 on Amazon, depending on which edition you buy.

 

50 Shades of Sad Clown

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Here is a sad clown singing “It’s a Heartache”, because it’s been 50 shades of sad clown up in here lately:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e02v7TaU9uk

 

Final depressing comments on own life: I came to the conclusion that despite how much I like kids, I don’t want children, and if you’ve read half the crap I’ve been posting lately, you can extrapolate the reasons yourself. IUD tiemz, guiez!

My new mantra in life is “Act as if you’re going to make it to 40.” I think I’m a little “statistically disabled” on the probability of that happening, but it’s also a good goal that doesn’t intimidate me too much.

I’m done spewing psychological cancer/compulsively examining my own life now. Maybe.

The Blue Sky Tag

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Knight was gracious enough to tag me in this, and provided some amazing questions; Here are my answers and tags for others, feel free to answer as you wish:

Here are the rules:

  • Give 11 questions
  • Tag as many people as you want
  • Answer the 11 questions given to you

Questions:

  1. What is the most beautiful place you’ve ever been to?

2. If you could recommend one book and/or movie to the rest of humanity, what would it be?

3. Describe the strangest thing that has ever happened to you.

4. What poem or piece of writing has had the biggest impact on you?

5. Who’s your favorite artist? (Music, visual art, or writing)

6. Was there one moment that changed your life in some way? If so, what was it?

7. Share a song with us.

8. What are your spiritual beliefs?

9. What do you miss the most? (Person, place or thing)

10. What is your ultimate goal in life?

11. What skill have you yet to master?

 

People tagged:

  1. PinkForDays

2. Jeff

3. Sharmishthu Basu

4.desertcurmudgeon

5. Himanshi Shukla

6. Manal

7. Unhinged and Unenlightened

8. AddictedSophie

9. Vera Wabegjig

10. Krista

11. soberinvegas

What made you start writing ?

I’ve been writing since childhood. It helps me organize my thoughts and I enjoy it.

 

Your favorite writer/ poet ?

That’s a hard one. Currently, I love Thich Naht Hanh’s books on basic mindfulness practices, but in terms of a long term relationship with a writer/poet, it’s Allen Ginsberg . I used to walk around with a printed out copy of his poem “Howl” in my coat in high school.

 

A fear yet to conquer

I’m weirdly afraid of succeeding. I have a long history of getting within spitting distance of a goal, and then going off in a weird direction/distracting myself with something else and losing the opportunity or messing things up for myself.

 

Describe yourself

Ooh, boy. I dunno. I’m pretty easy-going and calm, unless I feel like someone is violating the basic laws of being a human being. I don’t end up in these situations a lot, but I will call whoever it is on what they’re doing, and calmly destroy them in about five sentences. Yeah, it’s a cool talent and usually gets whoever it is to stop doing whatever they’re doing, but seeing me in “attack” mode freaks people out.

Also there’s no hallmark card that says something along the lines of: “Sorry for pointing out that you were doing the same thing your asshole father did to you when you were a kid when you were attacking a someone for doing something minorly wrong/being in a situation they didn’t create/etc.”

 

Your ultimate goal in life

A stable, quiet life.

 

Will you call yourself an introvert or extrovert?

I’m pretty strongly introverted, but I’m actually kind of good at jobs like cashiering and working front desk at a hotel. If you just focus on filling the other person’s needs and making sure they have a good experience, it’s not that hard.

 

Your Zodiac sign

Western: Sun: Pisces, Moon: Aries, Rising: Cancer.

Interesting note: I have several combinations of planets that are linked to a heavy tendency toward addiction.

Vedic: Ashwini.

I don’t know a lot about the technical aspects of vedic astrology, but I had a birth chart done by Kapiel Raj about a year ago. Vedic astrology tends to be more predictive, and deals more with long-term patterns than western astrology.

In terms of romance, I’m something called manglik, which has stigma attached to it, and basically means I have bad luck in love, and it’s likely that I’m going to marry late…or I’m going to unintentionally kill my spouse with my overtly fiery nature. It seems to depend on who’s talking.

Weirdly enough, he said there’s a chance in the next few months that I’m going to meet a tall, fair man through friends who works in law enforcement, something like a probation officer, and it would be my “ideal” match.

I don’t know how much weight I put on that, but I’m amused because my type is more along the lines of “short, dark, and has a probation officer”.

…seriously, I get this image of me walking next to some tall blonde giant and it makes me laugh…my boyfriends are generally closer to 5’7 than 6’7….

I could never go to this guy’s place of work, I’d probably know like half the dudes in the waiting room…

Also, my career aspects are weird, and it’s recommended that I work for myself, and I have several healer/shaman aspects and should consider a career in alternative medicine.

Chinese: Earth dragon, no clue what any of that means beyond what you’d read on a placemat at a Chinese restaurant.

 

Movie you have watched hundred times and can watch over a hundred times more and still relish it

Beetlejuice, my first favorite movie. I wore out the tape and ate the box as a small child, and still enjoy it as an adult.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic87SfqQAAM

 

If given a chance , which famous personality would you like to date ?

Out of those people who are living, not approximately 100 years old, and attracted to women (which narrows things down to a depressing degree)-we’re left with Damian Marley, who I believe is married.

He’s scarily intelligent, spiritual, and is a kinda “street”, which is what I like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djWm-5fjyWA

Okay, so he seems more than a little street here…

Also in real life, I have a horrible time understanding men with Jamaican accents. Women from the islands I understand, most people with accents don’t throw me, or at least for long, but I’m pretty sure every man from Jamaica that’s dealt with me thinks I’m a little deaf and a little slow.

 

Your Favorite writing genre

Spirituality/Recovery from addiction/Self-help

 

The decision you regret the most

Hm, it’s hard to pick, but there’s a guy (actually there’s a couple like this, but this guy is in his own league) who’s been in and out of my life for years, but we’ve basically been in each other’s social orbits for about fifteen years now (which is approximately half my life, thank you very much). Every time he reappears, my life turns into complete chaos and I’m totally thrown completely off balance in 2 weeks to month. He’s basically a human poltergeist.

It sounds like I should have figured this out sooner, he displays a lot of normal “toxic” traits, but literally some of the stuff that happens in my life when I’m around him are a) totally unrelated to him, b) really weird and just kind of inexplicable.

If I could have never met him or decided to befriend him, or the in the very least decided to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt so much, that would have helped me out.

Like, have you seen the Dark Knight? The last time we saw each other was (hopefully) as close to this moment as I’m going to get in my own life…and it was substantially less dramatic…also, this better be the one time in my life I compare myself to Batman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oPsvq81n2A

Ahaha…I don’t feel like the Harley Quinn to his Joker, I feel like the Batman…

Whenever we hang out, it’s like 2-6 hours of mental chess that always ends with:

Him: ….crazy whore….

Me: …white trash thief….

Is there such a thing as a “dark” soulmate? Like someone that’s going to eternally mess with you without even trying half the time? We run into each other sometimes randomly at gas stations, through friends we didn’t know were mutual, etc.

I actually asked him out approximately three months ago based less on my attraction to him and based more on how astronomically weird I find this situation, we have a really weird synergy and I thought that maybe like having a more traditional relationship with him would change the mind-bending elements of this relationship, or at the very least extinguish some lingering questions. Now he’s my second biggest reason for moving a minimum of 2-3 hours away…

Decisions; Dreams

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I’ve been praying on and waying pros and cons on the situation on moving for the past however long. Recap of the situation: I’ve been planning on moving in with my best friend and her boyfriend for months, but my mom wants to divorce my father and get a duplex with me and split the ownership with me.

Interesting things my mind did when unexpectedly presented with a new option: Run-through a thousand negative experiences I had while homeless, and the three day period which is best summed up as “Gee, I’m worrying about something obsessively. Remember when I used heroin and everything was this lovely sweet haze of beauty? Oh wait, remember being homeless, having no money, and how much that sucked?”

Okay, drug segue over: I’m leaning toward moving in with my mom, despite our traditionally unstable relationship. Also, my parents have an unhappy marriage and I’ve had little interaction with my father since I hit puberty,  so I’ve gotten over feeling guilty about that aspect.

*lol, daddy issues. the struggle is real.

I wouldn’t say the decision has been officially made, but as of right now, that’s how I’m leaning.

Amused that I’d be caretaking for a person with addiction/mental health problems again, but at least this one gave birth to me and can’t/won’t beat my ass, and I’ve never had to call the cops to do a welfare check or file a missing person report on her//call 20 people to make sure she’s just gone, not dead, and I doubt these things will happen.*

*Still afraid I’m going to fall in love like a dumbass and end up in that situation again.

Christ, my life.

Not sure if I’m pursuing this option because for some reason I feel like it makes dating an asshole less likely for reasons known only to my subconcious. Like, I’d have school, a job, and my mom. No time for mentally unstable man-children with drug issues and dependency issues.

My mom is still my mom, though: “You need to get a boyfriend so we have someone to shovel the snow in winter.

…you’re still dating men, right?”

Also, the on/off nosebleed and headache continue, and I’m exhausted but can’t sleep for longer than 1-3 hours at a time. Had a super realistic dream that I went to a movie, and saw a guy that I’ve been avoiding. I decided to spent a ridiculous amount of time hiding in the movie theatre after the movie finished… only to walk out the door and see him standing there and get a speech about how I live my life…and he’s  someone who isn’t really in the position to give these kinds of lectures, but this does fall into the realm of things he would do.*

*He also passed out outside my old apartment using my wifi in his car one night, while looking super-scruffy and getting high. Cops knocked on my door at like 3am and I thought he was dead for 10 minutes.

This morning, I almost started texting my friend about this “really awkward thing that happened yesterday” that I didn’t know how to handle.  Then I tried to figure out what movie I saw, and why I decided to go see a movie in a different city by myself for no apparent reason. (The last time I was in a movie theatre was on a date three years ago, this isn’t really something I’d go do.)

Then it dawned on me.

Malala Yousafzai is a hero of our present and future

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Pakistani human-rights and education advocate Malala Yousafzai has just become the youngest person ever to be named a U.N. Messenger of Peace, an honorary title conferred by the body’s Secretary General António Guterres. Yousafzai, now 19 years old, has accepted the role with a special focus on girls’ education, the BBC reports. Messengers are typically…

via Malala Yousafzai Has Just Been Named the Youngest Ever U.N. Messenger of Peace — TIME

Things to Accomplish in 2017

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Here’s a list of my goals for 2017, broken down into smaller goals; I repeat some goals from “Three Goals for Age 29“, and”bucket list“, but there are also some new ones. This is stickied so I see it regularly, but feel free to read it.

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6 Rules for Relationships

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My best friend/future roommate were talking about house rules, and it makes sense to have set rules for relationships, as well. List-making is in my nature, lol. I’ve been ending relationships lately, and the surviving relationships all feature these traits…I’m emotionally independent, so “social selectiveness” is something that makes sense to cultivate.

  1. Respect.
  2. Self-knowledge.
  3. Be authentic.
  4. No time-wasting.
  5. No active addicts.
  6. Have something to give.

What would you add or remove? Do you feel like having hard and set rules for social interaction is excessive?