“Life After Death” – The Notorious B.I.G.

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Oh, Christopher Wallace, how I adore thee. Y’all were selling dope as a kid, and you moved up to millionaire status with your music. You kept a realistic self-image and stayed honest. You left us too soon, bud.

 

This is good business/life advice, dealer or not.

Number 3, never trust no-bo-dy
Your moms’ll set that ass up, properly gassed up
Hoodied and masked up, shit, for that fast buck
She be laying in the bushes to light that ass up

Number 6, that goddamn credit? Dead it
You think a crackhead paying you back, shit forget it!

Niggas bleed just like us
Picture me bein’ scared of a nigga that breathe the same air as me
Niggas bleed just like us
Picture me bein’ shook
We can both pull burners, make the muthafuckin’ beef cook
Niggas bleed just like us
Picture a nigga hidin’
My life in that man hands, while he jus’ decidin’
Niggas bleed just like us
I’d rather go toe to toe with all of y’all
Runnin’ ain’t in my protocol

Err…actually, my entire in real life protocol is based around runnin’…But I can dream, can’t I?

“Another Drunk Tellin’ Lies and Stories” – Ziggy Pockets

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Ziggy Pockets is a low-key, bluesy country artist from West Virginia with songs referring to drugs, love, and sadness.

I woke up in the dumpster with cats all over me,

I was walking that old mad dog.

I can’t see twenty/twenty,

but I can see that old mad dog…

(You know of Mad Dog 20/20, right? Cheap wine…)

 

God bless West Virginia,

and all the hillbillies hooked on pills.

There’s a new generation,

running wild through the hollers and the hills.

Most folks done gone crazy,

and they’re cooking methamphetamines,

that they started cooking for their habits,

now its money for the rent and things…

Well, it’s almost heaven, but it’s West Virginia,

Lord, but the devil, the devil’s done moved on in…

Hell’s done broke loose all through the mountains

and they ain’t ever coming back again.

 

“Letting Go” – Author Unknown

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(emphasis in poem mine)

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off…
It’s the realization that I can’t control another…
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Thoughts…

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1. Since taking DMT there is a lot of unpleasantness that I don’t remember. I guess a quick example would be the number of people I slept with when homelessness/addiction was a thing in my life, that stuff is just gone to me now.
2. Definitely disconnected from relationships that weren’t in my best interest…I don’t know why I wasted much time and energy on people that drained me and we’re too lost in themselves to find solid ground. I literally don’t understand it. It’s an “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” type thing.
It’s good to be free of guilt and shame that’s been weighing you down. Still have a long way to go with that, though.
3. I’m a lot more open now, at least with people I already know.
4. Strangers are telling me I’m walled off. Of course these strangers are random men who are trying to sleep with me, but it’s a little startling when someone that’s know you for five/ten minutes tells you that you were obviously hurt pretty bad and that you’ve given up on love.
5. I’m still afraid to stray too far from the apartment by myself. Melissa and I are getting a lot of bonding time in.
6. It’s so nice here…the people are kind and it’s just nice being in a city again. Sat outside smoking today, watched a guy drop a pack of cigarettes, then a (presumably) homeless man picked them up…Later he came back and accused us of stealing them (same brand), then we pointed out the guy who did and he gave them back without a fight.
7. Hopefully I’ll have an interview soon. Already looks like I have a prospective job across the street. The pay is pretty good, and I can stack cash for a while so I can go back to school and pay off debt.
8. My knee is still terrible. Take forever to get off the couch/floor, walk a little funny… I really need to appreciate how far I’ve come with this rather than how far I still have to go.
Wish my body was in a different place, though…I feel much closer to 70 than 30.
Guess that describes my place in life, really.
9. Started drinking a glass or two of wine on weekends with my friend. No trouble, no desire to be drunk. maybe even a level of aversion to feeling intoxicated.
10. Melissa says I’m a good person that’s been surrounded with shitty people. It’s nice to know someone has faith in me.

“The Idiot” – Iggy Pop

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In honor of Father’s Day, here’s an album my father and I both love.

Iggy Pop transitioned from The Stooges a solo career. Then, he and David Bowie, spent time in Berlin, and this album is a product of that era. Because of this, the production gives strong evidence of Bowie’s work.

My little China Girl,
You shouldn’t mess with me.
I’ll ruin everything you are.
I’ll give you television.
I’ll give you eyes of blue.
I’ll give you men who want to rule the world.

David Bowie produced this song, but Iggy recorded it originally, then David repurposed the song for his own devices. I love how this song intersects drugs & love, ’cause that was a large part of my life.

Listen to me, Sister Midnight;
You put a beggar in my heart.
Calling Sister Midnight-
You’ve got me walking in rags.
Hey, where are you, Sister Midnight?
Can you hear me call?
Can you hear me well?
Can you hear me at all…?