Emit a thick cloud of love like an octopus squirts out ink

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It was a wise old queen—Bobo, we called her—who taught me that I had a duty to live and to bear my burden proudly for all to see, to conquer prejudice and ignorance and hate with knowledge and sincerity and love. Whenever you are threatened by a hostile presence, you emit a thick cloud of love like an octopus squirts out ink . . .

-William S. Burroughs

“Another Drunk Tellin’ Lies and Stories” – Ziggy Pockets

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Ziggy Pockets is a low-key, bluesy country artist from West Virginia with songs referring to drugs, love, and sadness.

I woke up in the dumpster with cats all over me,

I was walking that old mad dog.

I can’t see twenty/twenty,

but I can see that old mad dog…

(You know of Mad Dog 20/20, right? Cheap wine…)

 

God bless West Virginia,

and all the hillbillies hooked on pills.

There’s a new generation,

running wild through the hollers and the hills.

Most folks done gone crazy,

and they’re cooking methamphetamines,

that they started cooking for their habits,

now its money for the rent and things…

Well, it’s almost heaven, but it’s West Virginia,

Lord, but the devil, the devil’s done moved on in…

Hell’s done broke loose all through the mountains

and they ain’t ever coming back again.

 

Forgiveness

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Forgiveness is a crucial part of learning how to deal with difficult people. You must forgive the difficult person, and you must forgive yourself for feeding into their behavior. Before you get upset, let me explain. As a society, we have been taught that forgiveness is a sign of weakness. In truth, it is the total opposite. It takes real inner strength to forgive and let go. Forgiveness doesn’t free the other person from the consequences of their actions. Instead, it releases you from the negative cycle of emotions that difficult people use to perpetuate abuse.

“Difficult People: Strategies for Dealing with Toxic People”, Luke Gregory

Thoughts…

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1. Since taking DMT there is a lot of unpleasantness that I don’t remember. I guess a quick example would be the number of people I slept with when homelessness/addiction was a thing in my life, that stuff is just gone to me now.
2. Definitely disconnected from relationships that weren’t in my best interest…I don’t know why I wasted much time and energy on people that drained me and we’re too lost in themselves to find solid ground. I literally don’t understand it. It’s an “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” type thing.
It’s good to be free of guilt and shame that’s been weighing you down. Still have a long way to go with that, though.
3. I’m a lot more open now, at least with people I already know.
4. Strangers are telling me I’m walled off. Of course these strangers are random men who are trying to sleep with me, but it’s a little startling when someone that’s know you for five/ten minutes tells you that you were obviously hurt pretty bad and that you’ve given up on love.
5. I’m still afraid to stray too far from the apartment by myself. Melissa and I are getting a lot of bonding time in.
6. It’s so nice here…the people are kind and it’s just nice being in a city again. Sat outside smoking today, watched a guy drop a pack of cigarettes, then a (presumably) homeless man picked them up…Later he came back and accused us of stealing them (same brand), then we pointed out the guy who did and he gave them back without a fight.
7. Hopefully I’ll have an interview soon. Already looks like I have a prospective job across the street. The pay is pretty good, and I can stack cash for a while so I can go back to school and pay off debt.
8. My knee is still terrible. Take forever to get off the couch/floor, walk a little funny… I really need to appreciate how far I’ve come with this rather than how far I still have to go.
Wish my body was in a different place, though…I feel much closer to 70 than 30.
Guess that describes my place in life, really.
9. Started drinking a glass or two of wine on weekends with my friend. No trouble, no desire to be drunk. maybe even a level of aversion to feeling intoxicated.
10. Melissa says I’m a good person that’s been surrounded with shitty people. It’s nice to know someone has faith in me.