I’ve been praying on and waying pros and cons on the situation on moving for the past however long. Recap of the situation: I’ve been planning on moving in with my best friend and her boyfriend for months, but my mom wants to divorce my father and get a duplex with me and split the ownership with me.
Interesting things my mind did when unexpectedly presented with a new option: Run-through a thousand negative experiences I had while homeless, and the three day period which is best summed up as “Gee, I’m worrying about something obsessively. Remember when I used heroin and everything was this lovely sweet haze of beauty? Oh wait, remember being homeless, having no money, and how much that sucked?”
Okay, drug segue over: I’m leaning toward moving in with my mom, despite our traditionally unstable relationship. Also, my parents have an unhappy marriage and I’ve had little interaction with my father since I hit puberty, so I’ve gotten over feeling guilty about that aspect.
*lol, daddy issues. the struggle is real.
I wouldn’t say the decision has been officially made, but as of right now, that’s how I’m leaning.
Amused that I’d be caretaking for a person with addiction/mental health problems again, but at least this one gave birth to me and can’t/won’t beat my ass, and I’ve never had to call the cops to do a welfare check or file a missing person report on her//call 20 people to make sure she’s just gone, not dead, and I doubt these things will happen.*
*Still afraid I’m going to fall in love like a dumbass and end up in that situation again.
Christ, my life.
Not sure if I’m pursuing this option because for some reason I feel like it makes dating an asshole less likely for reasons known only to my subconcious. Like, I’d have school, a job, and my mom. No time for mentally unstable man-children with drug issues and dependency issues.
My mom is still my mom, though: “You need to get a boyfriend so we have someone to shovel the snow in winter.
…you’re still dating men, right?”
Also, the on/off nosebleed and headache continue, and I’m exhausted but can’t sleep for longer than 1-3 hours at a time. Had a super realistic dream that I went to a movie, and saw a guy that I’ve been avoiding. I decided to spent a ridiculous amount of time hiding in the movie theatre after the movie finished… only to walk out the door and see him standing there and get a speech about how I live my life…and he’s someone who isn’t really in the position to give these kinds of lectures, but this does fall into the realm of things he would do.*
*He also passed out outside my old apartment using my wifi in his car one night, while looking super-scruffy and getting high. Cops knocked on my door at like 3am and I thought he was dead for 10 minutes.
This morning, I almost started texting my friend about this “really awkward thing that happened yesterday” that I didn’t know how to handle. Then I tried to figure out what movie I saw, and why I decided to go see a movie in a different city by myself for no apparent reason. (The last time I was in a movie theatre was on a date three years ago, this isn’t really something I’d go do.)
Then it dawned on me.